Thursday, February 19, 2009

Preschool Lesson #213: Don't Depend on Others for Your Happiness

Isaac loves preschool. Every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday morning, he's eager to get to school and show off his favorite stuffed animals to his friends (they always end up in his school bag). Each day when I pick him up he wants to give me a play-by-play of what the class did that day, what "word wall" word they learned, and what they ate for snack. He's a little bit obsessed with snack time. We get to bring the class snack every few weeks, and Isaac desperately wants everyone in the class to like his snack. He's brought blueberries and blueberry muffins, raspberries, cookies, crackers and pudding. Every time we get the bag he deliberates over what he's going to bring, and worries about whether or not the other kids are going to like it.

There's one little boy in the class who isn't a huge fan of snack time. I need to say (just in case his mom is reading) that I totally relate and sympathize and understand what it's like to be the parent of a picky eater. I have a child who has subsisted for the last eight-and-a-half years on peanut butter, chocolate milk and goldfish crackers. But Isaac is the most adventurous eater of my kids, and he's only four, so he doesn't understand why his friend won't eat the snacks.

This morning we had to bring the snack bag to class. Yesterday when it came home with us, Isaac decided that we had to make pizza, because pizza is his friend's favorite food, and he just knew that his friend would love pizza. I tried to explain that his friend might not like our pizza, or might not like eating pizza at 10:30 in the morning, but Isaac was undeterred. We had pizza for dinner, and made an extra pie to bring to class today. Isaac couldn't wait. "He's going to love my pizza!" he said when I dropped him off this morning. I wasn't so sure. After all, by today the pizza was a day old and cold.

The friend didn't love the pizza. In fact, Isaac said, he wouldn't even try it. But you know what? I think Isaac is learning a good lesson from the experience-- one that will serve him well through years of his wife not liking the sweaters he picks out for her birthdays and his kids not appreciating the brownies with m&ms in the frosting-- you can't depend on the reaction of other people to make you happy. If day-old, stone-cold pizza makes you happy, then great, bring it for snack, but don't be sad if everyone doesn't love it.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

hahahaha. I love that story, and the moral. And wow, what a sweet kid.

Sabra at Sew a Straight Line said...

such a cute kid.

and yeah, that could totally by my kid (the picky friend) making some poor child stress about snacks.

bluestocking mama said...

aww, what a nice friend Isaac is! And glad he's getting the lesson. My almost-6-year-old gets torn up inside at the thought of someone not liking something he brings or does (which works great for parenting, but not so great for overall happiness)

Unknown said...

Ha! I ment to tell you that it didn't go over too well w/ "the boy." I am sorry! I saw how crushed he was. He kept saying, "It's for you." And he kept replying "I don't like that pizza." I had to hide my little smile since I saw the shear disappointment on Isaac's face. I love that kid! He is so great!

Anonymous said...

I'm impressed that he cares so much. Or tells you about his day. My kid is already at the "I don't know" stage when I asked him what they did.

and Yay for life lessons!

Anonymous said...

It sounds like Issac isn't the only one OBSSESED with snack time since grown adults are actually blogging about it. I think there's more than one life lesson to be learned from this story. Good for Issac for wanting to make someone else happy, but shame on the mommies for having nothing else more important to discuss than how my son, I mean, "the boy" (let's not give away his identity) is so mean by "making some poor kid stress about snacks" or how he "crushed" Issac or that he caused there to be "shear dissapointment on Isaac's face." You girls are right, how could "that boy" be so mean? (I hope you sense my sarcasm). So like I said, I think "Preschool Lesson #213" has multiple "life lessons" in it that need to be learned. Also, I appologize for getting so worked up about this but when it comes to defending my 4year old son from being villanized (by adults) over something petty like snack time at preschool I have to step in and say something. Please, find things that are actually worth blogging about and stick to those.
-"that boys" Father

Shelah said...

Tyler-

I'm sincerely sorry that I've upset you with this. I have a kid who would NEVER, ever, ever eat someone's pizza (or someone's brownies with m&ms in the frosting, an example I took from something that happened in my own life this week), no matter how hard they tried or how much they wanted it. I know where you're coming from, seriously. The point isn't to villanize your son or you AT ALL, honestly. I get it. I don't blame him or you or anyone. I get it.

The point truly is that MY kid needs to learn not to let his own happiness be wrapped up in others' reactions to the things he does, which I think is a good lesson.

And Tyler, I never discussed this with any of the other preschool "mommies" or teachers. I'm just writing based on the conversations I've had with Isaac, and the things he tells me when he comes home from school.

I'll delete the post if it would make you feel better. Honestly, I'm so sorry that you're upset by this.

smart mama said...

shelah- I thought this post was great- I love the lesson of don't let your happiness depend on others. and also about what it's like when you are a "pleaser".(I know cause I am one too!) seriously important lessons for future life settings.

I know it's easy to get "father bearish" tyler- I am a good mother bear myself, but I don't think this is intended with any slanderous tone- It's facts- he didn't like the pizza- who cares really- it's a humorous anecdote about isaac. And I for one like the way we can find life lessons echoing across life patterns in the simplest of exchanges. This is no case of (preschool)character defamation (villified? no). Call a spade a spade, a picky eater, a picky eater-It doesn't make your child bad or you a bad parent. Isaac's behavior typical part of learning about friendship and relationships. While I appreciate healthy critique. There are many reasons to write and I do object to your judgement of what should and shouldn't be written and what's important in life (judge not lest ye be judged?), If you have a story to tell write it. And I say blog on Shelah.

(and i have to laugh because knowing shelah's first child this whole thing could have just as easily gone down between her first and third children and her 3rd and this or any another child)

Anonymous said...

Shela, I'm really sorry about my post. I know you and those who commented never intended any harm. I just saw this on a whim and reacted without thinking it through. I've been kind of stressed lately (finals for school) and looking back, I regret reacting like I did. I'm truely sorry and hope I haven't caused any irreprable damage to friendships. This really isn't like me and I hope all those involved can forgive me.

Shelah said...

No problem, Tyler. It really wasn't my intent to hurt you or your family!

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